To All My Fans
by Mystical Demise
Summary: A letter from Genesis after stumbling across a certain site... Now with more Sephiroth.
1. Genesis

_Dear readers and writers of Fanfiction,_

_I am Commander Genesis Rhapsodos, SOLDIER First Class, of ShinRa. It has recently been brought to my attention that a large amount of stories on here contain inaccurate information about me. I am writing you all this letter to express my feelings about this whole situation._

_First of, we'll start with the biggest problem so far; yaoi. I don't know what reason you have to believe that I am gay, but let me tell you I am not. I have no problem with people of different sexualities, and I think that all homophobic people lack a brain, but I myself am not gay. Trust me, I've tested that theory. I have a strict interest in women. Men just don't fill my needs. Now, if you think I'm just trying to stay in tbe closet, you need some serious mental help. Let me put it like this, how about I write stories about you being interested in a gender that you aren't? Yuri is actually hot._

_Which brings me to my next topic. There is no way in hell I would ever be in a relationship with Angeal or Sephiroth if I was gay. It is disturbing on so many levels that you even think I would ruin our friendship, almost brotherly, bond. Plus, they are both straight as well. Sephiroth may be bisexual, it is hard to tell._

_Next thing I have a problem with is that I am always the whinny, feminine uke in almost every yaoi pairing. Once even in this scary "het" pairing with a female Angeal... Very disturbing. Anyway, I am not whinny. It may come off as such at times, but I throw violent temper tantrums, not sit around and bitch about it. Also, feminine? Really? That is really insulting. My parents raised me to be a high class, educated gentleman. I do not go on about breaking nails. I'll break bones if you complain about breaking a nail. I'm also not that shallow. I won't freak out like crazy if I get a bit messy. I'm a SOLDIER First Class for Gaia's sake! As such, with training, and missions, I can't afford to be a clean freak. That doesn't mean I'm filthy either. It's all healthy hygenic habits for me. Unlike Zack. That is a memory I wish to forget._

_Oh, I'm only getting warmed up. At some point, I'll give props for those who did get something right about my character._

_Next let's talk about my... Body. I know my coat makes appear like I have curves, but if you notice, then you'll see it is designed to flare out just above my hips. I do not have a feminine body, or creamy white skin. I'm not some wannabe albino like Sephiroth. I'm also not that slender. I'm not really that much smaller then Sephiroth. I'm lean. There is a difference. A slender SOLDIER First Class... Ha! I'm pretty sure only a female could pull that off, since bigger muscles equal more strength. Even when enhanced with Mako._

_Now, this isn't as common a problem, but despite some of your opinions, I am actually an okay cook. Not the best, but slightly better then average. Also, I hate baking._

_Another problem with fanfictions is that I'm normally not in character. Let me give you a few key points to better grasping my personality. I got a psychologist to study me, and this is their results: 'Subject is prone to childish behaviour when attempting to prove him better. Also prone to endless reciting of LOVELESS. Subject can be very talkative depending on the company he is with. Appears to have a very philosophic outlook on life. Prone to violent temper tantrums, with frequent, though mostly minor mood swings. He also appears to have a slight addiction to sex.' Bonus points if I'm with a chick, which means a woman, in your story. Body damage if it is a male. Death if it is Angeal, Sephiroth, Zack, or a combination of the above. That's just distugusting._

_Some of the things I've seen done right so far, is my tendecy towards mood swings, violence, my hotness, a contemplative outlook on certain situations, and my will to get what I want, and redeem myself._

_I hope you have learned much from this letter. With luck, you'll take into consideration what I've told you. If not, we shall be having a personal talk. With my rapier._

_Sincerely,_  
><em>Genesis Rhapsodos<em>

* * *

><p>An: Hello, just wanted to say that this in no way reflects my own personal views of any of the stories there. This is just my imagination putting together a letter Genesis might write if he were to stumble upon this archive. This is not meant to be taken seriously, and is meant as a joke. Unless you decide to take it seriously. Then it is your fault if you are insulted. Leave a review in the form of a fan responding to this letter, and I will marry you, or become your slave. Actually, no. If I really like your reply, the most you'll get is the option of having a oneshot written for you.

Have a good day.


	2. Sephiroth

_Dear Fangirls and Fanboys,_

_Greetings, I am the man known as General Sephiroth. Recently, I have discovered the letter Genesis has addressed to you, and I have decided to write one as well to clear up some of the things he said, and some of the things you good people seem so keen on writing me as._

_First off, I respect your rights to put me in your fanfictions, and I must say I have come across a few that are really well written. Some key points I would like to point out in those stories, is that they take a unique perspective on my background. While I shall not digress to you about my past, I shall encourage you to come up with original ideas as opposed to the more common ones seen on this site. There was one that I enjoyed, where I was not as socially deprived as many of you see me as. Which I am not. I am merely serious, and cold to those to whom I have just met. In a military setting, we are always to be on top of our game, and causal chitchat is unnecessary, and therefore a waste of time. Pardon, I have begun to ramble._

_Now, to address something that dear Genesis said. He claimed that there is the chance I am bisexual. Scientifically speaking, almost every single person is bisexual, even if they do not realize it. Most of us unconsciously choose to be either straight or gay. So, there are actually very few people who are truly gay or straight. Which is why homophobia is bad. I'm pretty sure Genesis is self chosen gay, even if he did say he was straight. I, myself, prefer women over men. Women smell better._

_Now, there is one thing that you fans write that really disturbs me. You often make me come out like some psychopathic sex machine. The main problem is I'm a sex machine. That is the really big problem in quite a few stories. My sex drive can be described as being in reverse. Imagine my sex drive as Sheldon Cooper's. Yes, it is like that, only without the OCD problems. Genesis is the one who possess that characteristic. Not to discourage you from writing yaoi, but can you try to tone that part down about? I'm a rather straight forward person, and in private quarters, have no real big problem with affectionate touching, if I am in love._

_I also would like to show appreciation for those of you who have written a more softer side of me. I wish I could claim that I am really like that, but that, sadly, is not the case. No matter how much I wish it was... I quite enjoy those stories, and came across one involving a kitten that was really heart warming, and a good tear jerker, as Genesis would describe it. I'm am fairly positive that man is gay..._

_Onto the topic of Genesis. I'd like to say one thing, that man would never submit to me, and I would never submit to him. With our... relationship, an intimate one would never work. We'd end up killing each other. Brutally. However, I do respect the man to a great degree, and enjoy his company. When he is quite, and not trying to out shine me. It gets aggravating after a while._

_Next, Angeal. We would never work. Merely because we are both dominant lovers, and our personalities crash as lovers. I think many of you have seen this, since there is hardly any pairings of us out there. _

_Oh, and please, the next writer to describe as feminine in my physique in anyway, shall have my sword through their back. I have long hair, but not a curvy body. _

_Also, to that one person out there who even thought of pairing me with Hojo, the threat applies to you. I HATE the man. I even capitalized hate to prove how much I loathe him._

_Well, that is all I can think of to say to you in this brief letter. I appreciate that you gave the time of day to read this, and would be willing to write back if you have any more questions. Also, for your entertainment, I must admit, the look on my face upon finding out what Sehpisis is, was quite a shocker. _

_Sincerely,_

_General Sephiroth_

A/n: I would like to thank Atasi for giving me the idea of Sephiroth or Zack refuting Gen's sexuality claim. It inspired this letter, and so did lilitachisama's review. Maybe I will do one for Zack as well... And Angeal too... A letter ficlet with a plot... What say you?


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